What Are Women Looking for in a First Date?

You never get a second chance to make a first impression, and how you do deliver on a first date can decide whether or not you get a chance to develop a relationship with a woman you’re interested in. While a ball game and brewskies with little talk might be a great night out for your and your buddies, a woman will want a more thoughtful, intimate and personal outing.

Make your first date a personal experience without too much pressure.

First Impression

Don’t greet her with a standard red rose or other opening you’ve used before. Make your initial greeting something unique for her. Let her know she’s in for a special night by differentiating yourself from the competition with something as small as a purple flower instead of the rose. If she mentioned a certain band during your previous meeting, have the CD ready in your car. Give a gift of a book by an author she likes. Let her know the evening is about her.


A comparison of any woman’s closet to a man’s makes it obvious that women are much more interested and put more effort into presenting themselves than men typically do. Acknowledge this by noticing the clothing she’s chosen for your date or her hair, if you think it’s been styled for the evening. The fact that you have noticed and appreciate her effort lets her know you are not simply into yourself and sends a positive message to her about your interest in her.

Ask Questions

In trying too hard to make a good first impression, you might focus on presenting yourself and your accomplishments, rather than showing her that you want to get to know her. Show you’re interested in her by asking questions about her work, interests, family and future plans. To avoid sounding like an interviewer or someone who’s prying, ask her to expand on statements she made. For example, instead of asking her where she went to college, what she studied and what degree she earned, if the subject turns to school, ask her why she chose her major and what she liked about it. Rather than asking what she does for a living, ask her what she likes about her job. That first question says you’re collecting facts, the latter says you’re interested in learning about her.

Don’t Rush

Your first date isn’t the time to determine whether or not you’re going to spend the rest of your lives together. Focus on having fun and getting to know each other during your first evening together by living in the now, suggests Sheenah Hankin, psychotherapist and author of “Complete Confidence.” Worrying about what type of impression you’re making will prevent you from enjoying her company, the game or movie you’re attending or the other people in your group. Trying to put your best foot forward so you don’t spoil your chance for a second date may not let you act naturally and allow her to see the real you. Find out about her politics later, unless that’s a make-or-break for you.